reinventionofpete

Rediscovery of Pete

2007-07-09T04:29:00.001-07:00

Too often in my life have I thought I knew what God was up to and where He was leading. Once again, I find myself doing a double take on what God has in mind.

I figured that after ten+ years in youth ministry and a frustrating last 5 that God was moving me beyond working with students. I figured that I had a calling to families or church planting or something else, maybe even outside of ministry.

Last night I had the privilege of teaching a really cool group of middle school students and found myself so into it that afterward I had to do a gut check. Jocelyn even commented on how fun it was to see me so pumped up about students. I walked around the church last night just imagining all the ways that I could be used in this ministry. I began to think, "is God not done using me with students?"

Later that night as I processed the whole experience with the guy interviewing me some interesting things came out. I've come to realize that I have spent much of the last five years not really doing youth ministry. I've been managing people, issues, disasters & events. I've been trying to fit myself into a roll that wasn't really appropriate for my gifts and talents. The whole experience has had me confused about my calling when the real issues has been the structure and system I have found myself in.

After last night I think I have rediscovered some of my passions and gifts and believe that God may really be calling me to a good long run in youth ministry. (My friend Keith Kruger would be so happy!)

Our house sold!!!... & error on the side of grace

2007-07-02T05:39:00.000-07:00

Over the past week or so we have been working with a young couple to sell them our home. They attend another church in the area and profess to be committed Christian. This would be their first home and their first really big purchase. The gentleman is a little timid and has struggled with the process because he doesn't want to mess it up or get taken advantage of. Because of his timidity he has had three mortgage people and two realtors and finally decided to fly solo. They don't have a lot of money and would be making some sacrifices to afford our home. In fact they asked us to help them with closing costs and have had to ask some friends to help with the inspection and appraisal.
The first time we sat together without to discuss the deal I asked him if we could pray for the process and God's blessing. He was really blown away by this and said it set the tone for our whole process. From that point on he has been waffling about the contract and how to proceed. He finally invited a third realtor friend to give him some advice and help him write the contract.
He dropped by the offer while I was at church. When I finally got home and had a chance to read the contract I noticed that he offered no earnest money as set the contract deadline for 1:00 - just as our open house was to begin. I felt a bit pressured and bothered that he was asking so much of us and didn't even offer us the common courtesy of earnest money. I wrote it into the contract to buy us some more time and waited for him to pick it up.
When he noticed my change he was devastated. He said that he had just enough cash on hand to pay for the inspection and appraisal and that $1000 earnest payment was not going to be possible right now. I asked him to take the counter offer, talk to his realtor friend and think about how he might make this work... then he left, discouraged.
For the next two hours I sat at my house and entertained a few guest for the open house. The whole time I kept thinking about our interaction. I remembered being young and asking a total stranger to help us afford their house. I remember praying and stretching to make our budget work around the FHA guidelines. I remember asking friends for a loan just to cover closing costs. Most of all I remembered praying with the buyer and asking God to bless the process and honor Him. While I felt that allowing the deal to move forward without earnest money was a bad idea, I felt God asking me to error on the side of grace. God gave us this house five years ago in response to a prayer that it would be a ministry to those around us. Our home has truly been a light in our neighborhood and a blessing to many. Now as we leave God was asking me to make my home a blessing as I minister to this young couple. And He seems to be extending the blessing this home has been beyond our ownership to another young Christian family.
I called the buyer back and apologized for making the process difficult. I asked him to rewrite the original offer and return later in the evening. He was blown away. I explained to him all that God was telling me. He agreed to return with his wife and work out the finer details.
When they returned to our home and sat at the table we again prayed and asked God to bless this process. The rest of the evening we all enjoyed the blessing of God's presence. We are so excited to pass our home onto this couple.
And... if I made a mistake... it was on the side of grace.

Amen

Now it makes more sense...

2007-06-24T11:40:00.000-07:00

At the time I couldn't figure out why God would make us wait so long to get our daughter Micaiah. Guatemalan adoptions don't usually take longer that five to six months. Why would God allow ours to go almost a year?!
People kept commenting that God was teaching us patience. I disagreed. I experienced far more anxiety and frustration than patience. And I would have liked to work on patience, but since I didn't have a choice, I felt forced, helpless and a little rebellious. I didn't want to be patient.
Almost 18 months later we find ourselves without a job, our house on the market and no set plans concerning what is ahead... and it's ok. Somewhere between the beginning of our adoption and now I learned to wait. I learned how to have peace and trust in God. I'm still not sure I learned much about patience but I am sure that I'm in a better place. And the waiting makes more sense.
I'm not sure how we would have gotten through these times were it not for waiting for Micaiah. Even more so, I am enjoying the waiting. (Granted, it has only been a week but still, I'm enjoying it.) I'm sure it will get harder when three, four or five months come and I'm still waiting for God to reveal His will and our future. But His grace is sufficient for me. I'm certain it will cover us as much then as it does not and did while waiting for Micaiah.
I think the part that I enjoy the most is knowing that God is doing something cool while we wait. He was doing great things while Israel wandered in the wilderness. He was preparing hearts and changing hearts while Jonah waited in the whale. He was strengthening and healing hearts while Jesus waiting three days in the tomb. And He's working on our hearts now. I can sense my devotional time deepening and my prayer time becoming more personal. (And it's not even that I'm praying for our situation!) The waiting is truly a blessing... so far.
I'll post more on this topic as time passes but for now it's making more sense.

Happy Fathers' Day Daddy

2007-06-17T11:49:00.000-07:00

I love you Daddy.

What a picture!

2007-06-07T02:04:00.000-07:00

How many people can you find in this picture? I really enjoy these sort of optical illusions. The picture above has nine different people in it. Can you find them all? The secret is to change your perspective in depth, distance, clarity and expectation.

The Bible is very similar. In fact, on many pages of the Old Testament we will find hidden images of Jesus. Some of these images are pretty obvious. Theologians call them "types." These are individuals who portray almost prophetic characteristics of Jesus. Jesus pointed out one of these types when He talked about the sign of Jonah; both were hidden for three days. Abraham, Isaac, Moses, David, Adam... they were all types.

Other images are less clear. I really enjoy finding these little pictures. I found one just the other day. Check out this passage.

Genesis 2:19-22

22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, for she was taken out of man." 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

The verse that stood out to me most was 24, "for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." As I was reading this verse for probably the hundredth time, for the first time, I read it as prophesy. Humanity was made in and of the image of Christ, an extension of His glory. For this reason, Christ would leave His Heavenly Father and the Holy Spirit (The helper or wife figure of the Trinity) and be united to his bride, the church to share one flesh. Isn't that beautiful!?

Check out how well that idea parallels Colossians 1:15-22.

15 He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16 For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. 17 And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist. 18 And He is the head of the body, the church, who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in all things He may have the preeminence. 19 For it pleased the Father that in Him all the fullness should dwell, 20 and by Him to reconcile all things to Himself, by Him, whether things on earth or things in heaven, having made peace through the blood of His cross. 21 And you, who once were alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now He has reconciled 22 in the body of His flesh through death, to present you holy, and blameless, and above reproach in His sight.

Wow!

I believe that whenever we see hints of the Trinity or the incarnation there are direct applications and opportunities to participate in the divine nature of Christ. As I meditated on this verse I encountered a wonderful calling to even greater ministry and sacrifice as a husband to my wife. I am reminded that Jesus left His divine family to join His bride in her state and condition. In light of this verse the "one flesh" nature of our relationship becomes more missional than consequential. With this interpretation, the idea in Ephesians 5 of washing my bride with the water of the Word to present her holy, without blemish is made more clear. When I obey the commands given to husbands, I not only bless my wife but myself with a tangible connection to the divine nature of Christ. Again, wow!

Now... good luck finding the other five people in the picture above.

1 year

2007-05-28T17:51:00.000-07:00

We miss you Jeff.

Prayer

2007-05-16T19:54:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had a soccer game at 8:20. Normally the kids are in bed by 8:00. Tonight however, I snuck Caleb out of bed, got him dressed and took him to my game. It was a real treat for him. He got to sit right on the bench with the team. He got me water when I came out for a sub. He cheered me on when I scored and laughed when I fell down. It was so much fun having him with me.
After the game he ran out onto the court and started dribbling the ball and shooting goals. He's pretty good for a 4 year old. To be honest, he's a remarkable defender. Just yesterday in his game he scored two, missed four wide left but stopped or saved about a dozen. He really has a mind fore defense.
Anyway, after arriving home, we got him into his pajamas and let him tell mom all about the adventure. Then, very intentionally, I told him how much fun I had and asked him if he would sit with me and thank God for a fun night. We sat on the basement floor, held hands and thanked God for soccer, healthy bodies and our special relationship. Of all the fun tonight, that was the best.
As Caleb (or any of my kids) grows up, I want to be the kind of a dad that pulls him aside or stops my world to pray with my child. I want them to know just how much God has blessed. I want him to see in me the priorities of faith and family. I've been waiting for this opportunity. I'm so glad that tonight it began.
Amen.

Home Again

2007-04-27T17:47:00.000-07:00

I'm back in Chicago visiting my family for my brother's 30th birthday. It feels so strange to not have my dad around. Jocelyn and I both missed his bug bone-crushing hugs and kisses we usually got when we walked in the door. His mountain of papers no longer sits by his leather lazy boy. There's a hole in the garage where is car used to be. The office door finally closes again since his rows of fleeces and flannel shirts are gone too.
As soon as we walked in the house, Elijah did a quick run through and then asked, "where's grampa?" It was tough remembering just three short months back. But at dinner, little Artie took big Artie's spot at the table. He's never sat there before. It was almost as if he was trying to connect with his special grampa in his own way. After Caleb and Jocelyn went with Gramma to her school's open house and Micaiah went to bed, Elijah and I went back down to Grampa's lazy boy, kicked back the foot rest and watched a couple innings of the Cubs game. It felt like I was sitting on my daddy's lap again. It's amazing how much of my relationship with my dad I have and continue to relive with my boys. Grampa's not here... but he lives on anyway. God bless you Daddy.

How cool is this?!!!

2007-04-26T04:15:00.000-07:00

My brother turns 30 next week and I wanted to get him the perfect present. He's got a bunch of friends that spend tots time together. When it's nice you can usually find them in one of their back yards with a beer and cornhole bag playing beans (that's what they call it up there). Anyway, since he's moving into a new place and won't have the luxury of using his roommates cornhole set, I decided to custom make one for him. He's a huge Chicago Cubs fan.
What do you think?

Everyone did what was right...

2007-04-20T05:07:00.000-07:00

Judges 17:6 & Judges 21:25
In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes.

As the Virginia Tech tragedy plays 24/7 in the news, this one phrase from Judges keeps coming to mind. While there was clearly no moral conscience in the shooter, it amazes me how little conscience exists within the anchors, pendants and commentators... especially those at NBC.
And I suppose that we could take it one more step and be shocked by how many Americans have searched for and downloaded his photos and video. What value could his rantings possibly have for any of us?

Thinking back to this phrase I focused on the main story that it bookends. Nearly the entire space between (chapter 19 to 21) is consumed with a violent, bloody story of a Levite (of the priestly tribe of Israel), his unfaithful concubine (nothing more than property), the violent sexual perversion of Gibea (a Jewish City where they were required to be hospitable) and the slaughter and near annihilation of the tribe of Benjamin. All along the story, the reactions to sin become more and more violent, devastating and irreversible.

Perhaps the most tragically ironic part comes after the people of Israel swear an oath to God to utterly destroy the tribe of Benjamin and realize how bad that decision was. However, they find themselves in a bit of a quandary. If they don't cut off Benjamin, they break their oath to God. If they do cut off Benjamin, they negate the very promises and provisions of God to protect and preserve Israel and the 12 tribes.

How vastly different would this story have been if there was a king in Israel? I'm sure the people had this thought. A strong king who could levy consequences would have rightly punished the Gibeanites and saved the nation this tragedy. However, they failed to recognize that the nation of Israel did have a king. God Himself was their King. He spoke to them face to face at Sinai, He lead them through the wilderness, He parted seas, He fought for them throughout Canaan, and He protected them by raising up dynamic and faithful leaders as His representatives. And yet, the people of Israel failed to see the value and superiority of this Theocracy.

Over 230 years ago, our nation was founded on such an ideology. We would be a nation "under God" dedicated to the law of Scripture and morality of the Bible. Yet today, we forbid children to pray or even utter the names of God (unless it's in profanity) in school. We have removed God's law (the 10 Commandments) from our legal system. We have raised up and protected the rights of individuals above the nation and community God established. We have made righteousness an outcast and insanity a celebrity. And everyone does what is right in their own eyes.

We need to put the King back on the throne.

The Toymaker

2007-04-14T04:56:00.000-07:00

There was once a kind gentle toymaker. He made the most wonderful toys in all the world.
Most of his toys were sold in his shop to children who would love them. But the best toys he kept in a special magical room for everyone to enjoy. The magic in this room caused the toys to come to life. Trains whistled, cars zoomed, horses pranced and dolls walked and talked like real children.
The toymaker's favorite toys were two dolls named Evan and Eva. Each day he would sing and play with the children and toys in the magical room.
One day a stranger entered the room. He told Evan and Eva about another magical land outside the toymaker's shop where even more wonderful things waited for them. Soon, the stranger convinced Evan and Eva to leave the magical toy room with him.
As soon as Evan and Eva left the toymaker's shop they realized they made a mistake. The world outside was not magical or wonderful. It was cruel and dangerous, just like the stranger who tricked them into leaving the toymaker's shop.
Before they could turn around and run back to the toymaker, the stranger scooped them up and stuffed them into a big dark bag. Evan and Eva were afraid.
When the bag finally opened, Evan and Eva were placed in two glass cases in the stranger's own cluttered toy store. On the outside of the glass cases were written the words, "for sale."
Evan and Eva were being sold. They wondered who would buy them. Would they be loved like the toymaker loved them? Would they be split up? Would they be stuck with the stranger forever?
Days and weeks went by. Evan and Eva were lonely and sad. They wished that they had never left the magical toy room. They wished that they had never talked to the stranger. One day, the door to the strangers toy store opened and they heard a friendly familiar voice, it was the toymaker.
"I've come for my friends," he said, "please give them back to me."
The stranger grinned, "But I cannot give them back to you, I did not take them. They chose to leave your toy shop on their own. I simply found them outside and have kept them safe, hoping to find a willing buyer. Are you interested in buying them back?"
"I love them very much, "said the toymaker. "They are like my own children. I'll give you whatever you ask for them. How much do you want?"
The stranger wrote some words down and a piece of paper and passed it to the toymaker. Without saying anything, the toymaker turned around and left the stranger's toy store. Evan and Eva were alone again. They wondered if the toymaker would ever come back. They wondered if the price was too high.
One day passed by. Two days passed by. Three days passed by. Evan and Eva were even more sad than before.
Before the stranger was able to turn off the lights or lock up the store on the third day, the door opened and the toymaker walked in. Over his shoulder he carried the largest sack Evan or Eva had ever seen.
"They are all there," said the toymaker, "every one."
He set the bag down with a loud jingly thud. When the stranger opened the back, Evan and Eva could see every one of the toymaker's magical tools. The stranger began to smile and laughed with excitement. The toymaker however, quietly opened Evan and Eva's cases, placed them in his arms and left the store. Evan and Eva were very happy to be going home.
As the toymaker set his friends down back in the toy room, Evan whispered, "Toymaker, why?"
"Why?" questioned the toymaker. "Why what?"
"Why did you trade your precious magical tools for a couple of silly dolls that ran away?"
"Oh Evan my friend," answered the toymaker, "there is no magic in those tools or even in this play room. The magic is found in my love for you and Eva. I placed it inside of you when I made you. My love for you lead me to find you, buy you back and bring you home. You are mine once again and nothing will change that, forever."

In Repair

2007-04-14T04:49:00.000-07:00

In Repair,
John Mayer
Continuum

Too many shadows in my room
too many hours in this midnight
too many corners in my mind
so much to do to set my heart right

Oh its taking so long
i could be wrong
i could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart's advice
I should assume, it's still unsteady
I am in repair
I am in repair

Stood on the corner for awhile
To wait for the wind to blow down on me
Hope that it takes with it my old ways
And brings some brand new luck upon me

Oh its taking so long
i could be wrong
i could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart's advice
I should assume, it's still unsteady
I am in repair
I am in repair

Ohhhh Now i'm walking in the park
all of the birds they dance below me
maybe when things turn green again
it will be good to say you know me

Oh its taking so long
i could be wrong
i could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart's advice
I should assume, it's still unsteady
never really ready
I'm never really ready
I'm in repair
Im not together but i'm getting there
I'm in repair
I'm not together but i'm getting there
I'm in repair
I'm not together but i'm getting there
I'm in repair
I'm not together but i'm getting there

The Heart of Life

2007-04-09T17:56:00.000-07:00

"The Heart Of Life"
John Mayer
I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears
And listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But, then your circle of friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is goodI know it's good

Creativity...

2007-04-07T12:42:00.001-07:00

How is it that the more I want or try to be creative, the more I'm sucked into a linear world of concrete thinking and pragmatism. There are days that I just want to go home, pull out my guitar and breathe with the strings. I keep finding myself plugging my ipod in and shutting out the world, the noise, the people and getting lost in jazz or blues or something random. I think I have poetry inside of me... I think it wants out but I can't seem to remember where I left it. I haven't drawn, painted, sculpted or done much artistically since high school. I'm pretty sure that I was made to be more of a creative person and life has somehow forced me into a different mold. I've been watching my son Caleb pull out the art box, paints, legos or his guitar and praying that he never loses his artistic, creative imagination. We like to play this word game we call the silly game. It starts with wrestling or snuggling and evolves into silly threats. I'll say, "you better watch it buddy or I'll tickle you until you pee!" Then he'll say, "if you do that I'll cover you in jelly and let ants crawl all over you!" Then I say something like, "if you do that, I'll lock you in a closet full of spiders!" The game can continue with funny, gross, even greusome stuff for quite a while. I think our longest game was about 30 minutes or so. It's really fun to hear and imagine the things he says. Creativity must be linked to innocence in some way. Maybe even naivety, simplicity. Kids never have a problem tasting the color C#minor or hearing the number blue. I can't seem to appreciate the unrealistic plot twists of 24 anymore. It's funny, the first active verb ever used of God was "created." "In the beginning, God created..." I wonder if creativity is linked to spirituality? If so, would that place Dave Matthews or John Lennon or Jim Morrison or Bob Marley on a higher spiritual plane? Perhaps if that type of creativity is possible in a life devoid of the creator of creativity, one filled with the spirit of the creator must be even more creative. So then.... what might that say about me?

tears

2007-02-23T18:38:00.000-08:00

I've never been a guy who sheds tears very easily but last night found myself unable to stop.
I got home from some evening ministry at about 11:00 p.m. to find Jocelyn asleep. I was still a bit wired from being out so I decided to listen to some music on my ipod to settle in. As I lay in bed and hit shuffle play, the most unexpected song came on; "May Angels Lead You In" by Jimmy Eat World. My brother shared the song with me about a month before my father died. It's about a person who experienced compassion and care from a generous man who he was unable to thank before he died. It became a favorite during that last month and was even play at my father's funeral. As I listened to it last night, I was overwhelmed with the thought of my father's hugs. His hugs were big and tight and, though he was quite a bit smaller than me, swallowed me completely. I kept thinking, "what I wouldn't give right now for a hug from my dad." The thought of not experiencing those hugs until the other side of eternity forced me to tears. I've been pretty emotional lately but was completely overwhelmed last night. I miss my dad.
I got up this morning and looked through some pictures from our last few visits and put one of my favorite photos on my desktop as wallpaper. I miss his love.

Adopted

2006-09-11T05:33:00.000-07:00

Last night as I was walking Micaiah and singing to her, I got a vision of when I was adopted. In the beginning I didn't much understand my new Fther. He was so big and foreign. I didn't understand His language or customs. I really didn't want to have anything to do with Him. But He wanted everything to do with me. How could a stranger love me like this? How could He put up with my whining and crying and selfish attitude? In fact, up until that point, that was all He really knew of me. But for some reason, my Father saw through my rotten behavior and loved me. He not only loved me, but He left His home, His world and came to mine to get me. And He paid a price that I must insist was way too high for a whiny little brat like me. I don't know how He did it... but looking at Micaiah... I'm beginning to understand a little.

Caleb takes Bailey for a walk... Bailey takes Caleb for a ride

2006-09-01T09:57:00.000-07:00

This was just plain fun!

It's time...

2006-08-31T23:09:00.000-07:00

Micaiah is coming home in just 2 weeks.
We will pick her up on the 10th and be home by the 14th of September - just in time for her first birthday on the 17th.

The Stranger

2006-08-31T23:07:00.000-07:00

The other day, before heading up to Chicago to visit my dad and mom, I picked up the audio version of Albert Camus, "The Stranger." I didn't know anything about it except that it was supposed to be a fairly influential book by an author who I had heard of. According to the introduction, it was (and is) the literary work that captured perfectly the existentialism and nihilism of it's day and was proclaimed by Jean-Paul Sartre to be the book of that philosophical idealogy. "The Stranger" follows an overly simple man through some fairly exraordinary events; the death of his mother, romance, manipulative relationships, violent fights, murder and a trial to follow. All along the way his emotional responses and decisions fail to even scratch the surface of what any normal human being would experience. He makes decisions based on expedience, instant comfort and cold logic - often times to his own long-term detriment. Ironically, it is his simplicity that makes him so complex and profound. Toward the end of the book he encounters a priest who is concerned and bothered by his predicament and disbelief in God. The character is so at peace with his rotten life (reasoning that it is his and can't be avoided or altered) that he is confused to the point of anger with a priest who could not come to some resolution with his own God concerning the fate of some stranger. It seemed the one with peace was upset and the one whose life was being upset had peace. As I thought about the character, his lifeview began to really bother me. What bothered me most was not that his philosophy of life was foreign or bizzarre, but that it was a lot like mine. Throughout the multiple struggles I have faced over the past year alone I have felt little emotion - a tinge of sadness, but nothing meaningful. In the face of trials I echo, not pain or fear or sadness, but some version of what is now disonant theology; "God is in control so there is nothintg I can do," "why worry, it's in God's hands," "why fight God's will?" It's crazy how similar existentialism or nihilism and Christianity can sound. If God does have a will and plan that has been written before the foundation of the world - practically speaking - there is little difference. I must accept what is laid before me and concede to what I cannot control. To die today is as good as any other day (as the stranger acknowledges) if what lies ahead is either nothing or everything. In a thousand years the moments I hold onto will not matter - but be swallowed up by... eternity or nothingness. When I pressed some friends about what makes Christianity and Existentialism/nihilism different, the common response was hope. I thought about it. What is hope other than a life oriented around the not yet. It's a future fantasy that one hopes is strong and real enough to erase the present regrets. I hope to go to heaven because my life on earth was filled with ungodly acts, pain and guilt - which will be wiped away in eternity. I hope God brings me peace or stabilty or blessing because I'm not willing to do the work or pay the price to bring it about myself (ie... healing a relationship, sacrificing or changing my thought process.) Then I thought about that. Maybe the difference is regret. I can't regret what is or was because both are equally as meaningful/less as what is to be. If there is no significant difference between yesterday and tomorrow, right and left, up and down - all things being equal, I can't regret anything. If life is truly meaningless - I can't hope for what is better or regret what is not - it's all equal. Solomon figured that out a long time ago... sort of. After a while of dwelling on this idea I shook myself back into reality and said, "boy am I overanalizing this... what does it matter anyhow?!" And I kept on driving.

I love this song...

2006-08-17T17:58:00.000-07:00

"A Man and a Woman"

Little sister
Don't you worry about a thing today
Take the heat from the sun

And little sister
I know that everything is not ok
But you're like honey on my tongue
True love never can be rent
But only true love can keep beauty innocent

But I could never take a chance
Of losing love to find romance
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman
No I could never take a chance'
Cause I could never understand
The mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

You can run from love
And if it's really love it will find you
Catch you by the heel
But you can't be numb for love
The only pain is to feel nothing at all
How can I hurt when I'm holding you?

And I could never take a chance
Of losing love to find romance
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

And you're the one, there's no-one else
And it makes me want to lose myself
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

Brown eyed girl across the street
On rue Saint Divine
I thought this is the one for me
But she was already mine
You were already mine

Little sister
I've been sleeping in the street again
Like a stray dog

And little sister
I've been trying to feel complete again
But you're gone and so is God
The soul needs beauty for a soul mate
When the soul wants, the soul waits

But I could never take a chance
Of losing love to find romance
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

For love and faith and sex and fear
And all the things that keep us here
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

You'll see
You'll see
How can I hurt when I'm holding you?

My Brother...

2006-07-31T18:19:00.000-07:00

I can't begin to express how fun it has been to watch my boys become great friends. They share, they laugh togethether, they argue and then laugh... it reminds me so much of my brother and me.
One of the things that I have enjoyed most is watching Elijah idolize and immitate Caleb. He watches Caleb's every move, hangs on his every word and must follow him everywhere. If Caleb sits cross legged - Elijah will too. If Caleb laughs - Elijah follows. It's perfect adoration and immitation.
While I have most typically related to God as my Father, just recently I have been inspired by my boys to understand God through Jesus as my brother. I went back and read Ephesians 1 where Paul says that we are adopted by the Father and blessed with everything that ritefully belongs to Jesus. It made me wonder if I have a similar admiration and adoration for Jesus as Elijah has for Caleb? It made me wonder if I am at all fixated on immitating Christ?
As I meditated on this for a while, it made me recall the times we were young and someone would say, "you're just like your brother!" At the time I didn't appreciate it. I'm pretty sure my brother never appreciated it either. However, thinking of Jesus as my brother, I would love to hear someone say, "you remind me of your brother Jesus," or "you act just like your brother Jesus." Wouldn't that be cool? All it would take is watching His every move, hanging on His every Word and following Him completely.
In closing, it's amazing just how much I have learned about God through my boys.
Thanks guys.

a beacon on a hill...

2006-05-21T18:29:00.000-07:00

Jesus said that one doesn't light a lamp and stick it under a bucket and a beacon on a hill cannot be hidden. Lately, I've felt a little like that beacon. Since the weather has gotten nice, I regularly come home to find my back yard filled with toddlers and moms. After a bit, the dads sometimes find their way down for a drink and a chat. Jocelyn has such a way of making people feel loved and special. She is such a wonderful mom that other moms seek her out for advice and support. Tonight, on about an hour notice, we had four families over for smores. It was wonderful. We all chatted and laughed until the kids got wobbly and had to get to bed.
I'm sure that there are christians that would say we are no different than any other neighbor and couldn't be considered a light until we share Jesus with them. However, I really believe that over the past four years our neighbors have felt a love and experienced a lifestyle that is so refreshing that it's filling that God-shaped hole we always hear about at revivals... at least a little. And I'm proud of that. I'm actually excited that God has decided to use us in our neighborhood. In fact, one of the couples that joined us tonight has asked us to lead them in a Bible study with a few mutual friends. I can't wait to see where God takes that opportunity.
I think the thing that strikes me most profound is that in my past I tried really hard to talk about my faith and the Bible and really prayed for my neighbors to come to faith. Yet, without the works (the open, genuine and inviting stuff) it was useless. I talked a lot about Jesus... but didn't look a whole lot like him. I still don't look a whole lot like him, but I'm trying. And He's honoring it. And it makes me smile.

a great day...

2006-05-15T20:02:00.000-07:00

There are only a few places at which I feel I could ever have a great conversation with my dad. We had great conversations in his car while doing paper routes. We had a standing appointment every Sunday morning to deliver the 100 or so extra large Sunday papers. For some reason working side by side helped us talk. McDonalds egg mcmuffins, coffee and a hot chocolate had the same effect when the route was through. We also had some great talks over Seven 11 hot dogs; they were two for a buck and two big gulps made it just over $3. They were a tradition after a baseball game. We usually ate them in the car also. Dad's car was a magical place where personal things were shared. Today however, we were at my favorite talking spot; the golf course.
I took an unplanned trip home to Chicago just to make a tee time my brother hooked up for us with a client at a suburban golf course. Dad's miodisplastic syndrome has been really taking a toll on him and I didn't want to miss out on a chance to hit the links with him while he can still swing a club. We only made it 9 1/2 holes but they were great. I shot a 45... But as fulfilling as that was, the time in the cart with dad felt even better. We didn't talk about anything important. We just talked. Guys have a tendency to go weeks, months or even years without talking and then just pick right back up where they left off. I may be because we don't get too deep; but I like to think it's because we understand the value of time spent and connect deeper than words. I know it's probably a bunch of crap... But I like to believe it. After golf we grabbed some burgers and spent another 2 hours or so talking sports, work, friends and... Well nothing personal. But it was still a great day.
Come to think of it, I'm not sure if any of those early morning paper route conversations or fast food talks ever revealed anything deep about my dad or me. I just look back on those times with great nostalgia and a longing to recreate them with my dad before he's gone and my boys before they grow up.
I've read plenty of books and articles on guys, communications and the father/son relationship. I'm not sure if I'm any different than the personalities they all try to fix. And to be honest, in regards to my dad, I'm not sure I want to be fixed. It was just great to spend time with dad.
And when it comes time to deliver paper, recoup from a nine inning shut out or help my youngest fish his last ball out of the bond, maybe I'll be ready to share more than time.

Righteousness...

2006-05-12T15:22:00.000-07:00

I read Matthew 5 today. Usually I'm encouraged and inspired by the beattitudes... mainly because I don't like to read far enough to get to the part about hate, lust and loving my enemies. However today I got stuck between the two.
Matthew 5:17-20 says,
"17"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. 19Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven."
Make no mistake, God is not done with the OT law and it's expectations. I was always taught that the new covenant replaced the old one... that the law was for those under the law and we are under grace. No quite so. So I was challenged... which am I? Great or least in the kingdom? I do try to obey and I teach a lot. (To be honest, looking back, I've taught a lot of bad theology. And it's funny how arrogant I can be when I teach the Bible. Afterall, it is the infallible, divinely inspired Word of God - how could I (it) be wrong?)
At any rate, I've been more and more challenged lately to go back and really obey the Old Testament. It's pretty tough! But I find that if I focus on the OT also, it's a whole lot easier to obey the Jesus stuff of the NT... and vice-versa. Strange, almost as if God had something in mind?..?.. Huh.

Credit where credit is due...

2006-05-11T19:24:00.000-07:00

All this time we thought Barry was on steroids.
I bet he's got Philippians 4:13 tattooed on his bicep.
Or maybe he's been calling on the ghost of the great bambino himself... thanks for giving credit where credit is due Barry.

Confession

2006-05-11T18:56:00.000-07:00

When is the last time you spent time in confession? Not the confessional booth, actually sitting in prayer and searching your heart and mind for sin to confess and ask forgiveness for? When is the last time you heard a sermon on the value of confession? Not confessing one's faith or asking for forgiveness, but genuinely laying one's life open before God and other? You too? I wonder why we have lost the value and beauty of confession. Is it overconfident in our salvation? Arrogance? Business? Discomfort? Sin? Maybe we've been lead to believe that confession is what we do before conversion... after that we are made perfect,... right?
We got talking about the idea of confession in our couples group last night. As I began to present and explain a number of passages on confession I was reminded of how valuable it really is. When I am in the habit of confessing I pray more, trust God more, love my wife more, have more patience with my kids, and the list goes on. I'm not convinced that these results are anything profoundly spiritual - simply the natural result of living in the light. Living in the light ads accountability to my life. Vulnerability ads understanding, compassion, humility and a genuineness that strengthens ties and relationships. On the spiritual side, that which is confessed loses it's power over us. It is confession that cleanses us from a guilty conscience. It removes the self-imposed barriers between me and God. It places me in good standing with God and allows me to see His blessings and will more clearly.
So why don't we confess more often? It's not because we lack things to confess. What are we afraid of? Maybe the solution to shedding that Christian hypocrite label is not by trying harder but by confessing more.
At any rate, I tossed and turned a bunch last night thinking about what my life would look like if I could shed my pride and fear and live into the fullness of life that God has in mind for me through the gift of confession. It's still a bit uncomfortable.

I left my heart in... Guatemala

2006-05-10T20:43:00.000-07:00

This is our little girl. She was supposed to be home months ago. I felt pretty connected to her before we visited in February, but afterward, I can't stop thinking about her. My wife is visiting again next week and I'm pretty jealous. I know that she needs the visit more... I just wish I could hold her again.
I keep praying that God would speed things up but the opposite has happened. I used to think I knew how prayer worked and had a lot of faith that my prayers would be answered. Now, all those passages that come to mind and easily roll of my tongue when counseling others struggling with unanswered prayers seem... well, insufficient; like a discouraging reminder that I'm not aligned with God's will.
However, throughout the process, I've been humbled and challenged about all my thrology. Everything I once stood so arrogantly on, I have been forced to throw out. And while most of my friends have tried to encourage me otherwise, it has been a really wonderful experience. I finally feel like I'm following Jesus. I'm sure one day I'll hold Micaiah in my arms and look back on today and think how foolish I was to think what I just wrote... but for today it will keep me following; waiting for the day when my prayers are answered.

The Bible, Debt and apathy

2006-05-10T20:10:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about money, debt, savings and investing. The Bible says so much about good financial management but it seems that I've never before saw it... or at least cared to stop and think about it.

Romand 13:8 "Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law."

Proverbs 22:7 "The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender."

Exodus 22:25 "If you lend money to one of my people among you who is needy, do not be like a moneylender; charge him no interest."

Matthew 25:27Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.

Deuteronomy 15:1 At the end of every seven years you must cancel debts.

Proverbs 22:26Do not be a man who strikes hands in pledge or puts up security for debts;

Luke 16:8"The master commended the dishonest manager because he had acted shrewdly. For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light.

There are more... but that pretty much covers some of what's been bugging me. My wife asked me tonight, "what's the big deal about no debt? Doesn't everyone want to be financially independant?" I think she captured what I've been feeling... apathy. Along with everyone, I want to be financially independant. I want to be able to retire comfortably, give generously, and bless my children and grand children. But for some reason, like everyone else, I'm not convinced it's a possiblity. I don't earn enough. I can't just pay off my mortgage or car loan. I don't live extravegantly as it is - so where do I start? It's easier to just believe that debt is a reality for young families in America. Besides, compared to most people, we're doing well; we have no credit card debt, we only have one car payment, we have a healthy retirement account, and our home is appreciating well. So what's the big deal about no debt?

But something in me has been increasingly uncomfortable with settling for that. I'm still not sure I know what to do about it... but at least I know I want to do something.

Again, nothing profound or creative... just random thoughts of me.

starting fresh

2006-05-09T19:25:00.000-07:00

I wish I could be as profound as my friend Keith or as creative as my friend Todd or as consistant as my wife... but since I can't I'll just settle random and self-centered. I've tried to do blogs before and found them to be a sick cross between throwing your own birthday party and that dream where I show up for Mrs. Ratner's third grade class in my underwear. Nevertheless, I keep attempting it... hoping to give birth to a brilliant thought or enlightening revelation. So again, since I can't be profound, creative or consistant, I'll be random as self-centered.